Created
December 9, 2019 13:16
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Just a small PHP script that when called outputs an H.P. Baxxter quote
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| <?php | |
| $hp = array ( | |
| "“It is nice to be important - but it is more important to be nice'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Move Your Ass!_", | |
| "' Get off your shirts and wait for further instructions!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Move Your Ass!_", | |
| "'Starting the microphone business I\"ve got one message for the next decade: Move your ass!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Move Your Ass!_", | |
| "' All right posse... Keep it up!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Move Your Ass!_", | |
| "' Come on!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Move Your Ass!_", | |
| "'The only way to have a friend is to be a friend'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _The Night_", | |
| "' Keep it up!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Move Your Ass!_", | |
| "' Maximum respect to the whole European posse!'\t\t--H.P. Baxxter, 'Move Your Ass!_", | |
| "'What is essential is invisible to the eye - it is only with the heart that you can see rightly'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Weekend!_", | |
| "'It\"s time, for summer... an endless summer!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Endless Summer_", | |
| "'Love is in the air!!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Endless Summer_", | |
| "' Open your mind!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Cosmos_", | |
| "' See the clouds across the sky!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Cosmos_", | |
| "'Thank you!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Cosmos_", | |
| "' Sit there, be good, bye-bye!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Hyper Hyper_", | |
| "' Let\"s go out for a walk to the other side'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Faster Harder Scooter_", | |
| "' No more fiction go back to reality'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Faster Harder Scooter_", | |
| "' No illusion, the spirit is what you feel'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Faster Harder Scooter_", | |
| "'No bad rumors or charges could make us stop. Now the time has come we will reach the top'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Faster Harder Scooter_", | |
| "'Sometimes this is dangerous! Sometimes this is rough! But one thing is true… We never get, we never get enough.'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Our Happy Hardcore_", | |
| "'Today is now, tomorrow is tomorrow'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Our Happy Hardcore_", | |
| "' This is a journey into the past, the present, and the future'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Back in the UK_", | |
| "' Hold tight crew! Together, no one can stop us now!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Back in the UK_", | |
| "' There\"s no reason to be disturbed.'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Hysteria_", | |
| "' We make you loose con, we make you loose con, we make you loose contrololololol!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _When I Was a Young Boy_", | |
| "'is this the life you want to live?'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Zebras Crossing the Street_", | |
| "'Buying some frozen food, put it in a fridge'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Zebras Crossing the Street_", | |
| "'Talking \"bout love and peace that\"s what we need.'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _The Age of Love_", | |
| "' Unity instead of fight. Come on and reunite!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _The Age of Love_", | |
| "' Are there any questions ? '\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _She Said_", | |
| "' Switch off the lights and close your eyes'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Fire_", | |
| "' Chilli bow, chilli bow, chilli bow'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Fire_", | |
| "' You can fly to the sky! So come on!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Hit the Drum_", | |
| "' Set your mind free until you see what I see'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Hit the Drum_", | |
| "'We are ready to shake the nation with another creation!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Hit the Drum_", | |
| "' The chase is better than the catch'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _How Much Is the Fish?_", | |
| "' Ignore the machine'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _How Much Is the Fish?_", | |
| "'Just keep in mind - Together, we are the greatest'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _We Are the Greatest_", | |
| "'You are not alone - Now and forever'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _We Are the Greatest_", | |
| "' One more bad break could bring a fall'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Eyes Without a Face_", | |
| "' Don\"t call me on the phone' \t\t--H.P. Baxter, 'Eyes Without a Face_", | |
| "' It\"s easy to deceive'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Eyes Without a Face_", | |
| "'It\"s easy to tease - But hard to get release'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Eyes Without a Face_", | |
| "' Let there be rhythm, let there be fun'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Hands Up!_", | |
| "' You know what I mean'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Hands Up!_", | |
| "'I\"ve got a suggestion and I need you to follow'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Hands Up!_", | |
| "' No return, no regret but resurrection'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Hands Up!_", | |
| "' That was then but this is now'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Hands Up!_", | |
| "' What a wonderful day just let yourself go'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Hands Up!_", | |
| "'Everything\"s borrowed in this world.'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Everything\"s Borrowed_", | |
| "' It\"s up to you'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Expecting More From Ratty_", | |
| "' Don\"t stop!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Don\"t Stop_", | |
| "' I\"m the Candyman, also known as Dave. Dave from Sheffield, furthermore known as the Screaming Lord, but you can call me Ice'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Fuck the Millennium_", | |
| "' This is the liberation'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Fuck the Millennium_", | |
| "' Just keep on moving'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Fuck the Millennium_", | |
| "' Gothic doesn\"t exist'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Fuck the Millennium_", | |
| "'Before success can manifest you got to go through the learning process'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _The Learning Process_", | |
| "' Join the crew \"cause it\"s never too late'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _I\"ll Put You On the Guest List_", | |
| "' Good bye to the past, hello to the future'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _No Fate_", | |
| "' There\"s no fate.'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _No Fate_", | |
| "' Jetz kommt die feuerwehr'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _I\"m Your Pusher_", | |
| "'You know what they say about small boys'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Sex Dwarf_", | |
| "' It\"s big and it\"s gold'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Sex Dwarf_", | |
| "' I feel so lonely'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Sex Dwarf_", | |
| "' Take a pretty picture'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Sex Dwarf_", | |
| "' We\"ll knock \"em cold'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Sex Dwarf_", | |
| "' You can bring me all the things I need'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Sex Dwarf_", | |
| "' If you could read my mind it\"s hard to find'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _She\"s the Sun_", | |
| "' It\"s my point of view and I\"m going through'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _She\"s the Sun_", | |
| "' I\"m going out no more since I heard the news'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _She\"s the Sun_", | |
| "' I can\"t believe what they said'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _She\"s the Sun_", | |
| "' Life\"s so strange if you know what I mean'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _She\"s the Sun_", | |
| "' To be honest, I didn\"t expect something like this'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _She\"s the Sun_", | |
| "'Never slow down'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Never Slow Down_", | |
| "'The time\"s right to take over'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _We Bring the Noise_", | |
| "' There\"s no time to rest'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _We Bring the Noise_", | |
| "' Just do what you want'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _So What\"cha Want_", | |
| "'Don\"t be a stranger'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Remedy_", | |
| "'Alright everybody - tie your shoes!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Maria (I Like It Loud)_", | |
| "' Be sophisticated'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Maria (I Like It Loud)_", | |
| "' Everything\"s alright'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _The Night_", | |
| "' Nobody\"s invincible, no plan foolproof'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Like Hypa Said_", | |
| "' Actions have reactions'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Like Hypa Said_", | |
| "' Somewhere deep inside, somewhere deep inside me, I found / The child I used to be. And I know that it\"s not too late / Never too late' --Scooter, 'Nessaja_", | |
| "'Love, peace and unity - Siberia, the place to be'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _The Logical Song_", | |
| "' Good morning!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _The Logical Song_", | |
| "' Respect to the man in the ice cream van!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Weekend!_", | |
| "' One world, one people, one music'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _One (Always Hardcore)_", | |
| "' Flip that coin - see what you get!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Shake That!_", | |
| "' Life without knowledge is death in disguise!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Shake That!_", | |
| "' Every dog has its day'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _My Eyes Are Dry_", | |
| "'Find out what you cannot do and then go and do it'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _All I Wanna Do_", | |
| "'Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Suavemente_", | |
| "' Time will tell you who is who'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _The Chaser_", | |
| "' Be headstrong, never be weak, no surrender, no retreat'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _The Chaser_", | |
| "'You can\"t please anyone - So please yourself!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _See Me, Feel Me_", | |
| "' Do it how you want '\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Everlasting Love_", | |
| "'I\"m in love with myself, \"cause it\"s good for my health'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Does the Fish Have Chips?_", | |
| "' How do I get off this bus? '\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Does the Fish Have Chips?_", | |
| "' Take a shower, brand stuff'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _Jumping All Over the World_", | |
| "'This is an announcement: Please refrain from not smoking!'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _The Question Is What Is the Question?_", | |
| "'Three men in a boat, with two cigarettes and no matches - how do they manage to smoke?'\n \t\t--H.P. Baxxter, _And No Matches_"); | |
| $rand = rand(0,count($hp)); | |
| echo $hp[$rand]; |
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The formatting is in there to look good on Slack.