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Thing of the week

Thing of the week!

Start meetings or pairing by seeing how folks are doing, feelings-wise

Everybody's got stuff goin' on outside of work. That effects what we've got goin' on inside of work, whether you want it to or not.

Take a moment as you being a meeting or start pairing to check in with folks and see how they're doing.

Notice who you're inviting to stuff and how you invite them.

When you see someone do something great, call it out!

When referring to the whole team, don't just use engineers or devs

Don't use "man" or "dude" like punctuation

Check in with your pair periodically to see how they're doing

Be inclusive of remotes after meetings

At the end of a meeting where remote participants are present, dont kill the zoom until everyone has left the zoom or you are the last one out of the room. That way any post-meeting conversations that pop up will be accessible

At the 'end' of a discussion, have 30 seconds of silence and then ask if anyone has anything to add.

Some people need to synthesize what they have heard, and they can't do that while other people are talking. It's a nice inclusion move.

Be aware of whom you speak to in a pair when you're looking for information

Be aware of how often you hear someone being interrupted

Use genderless pronouns for software components

Don't use "guys" as a plural pronoun, use y'all, everyone, friends!

http://www.chicagonow.com/listing-beyond-forty/2017/05/40-gender-neutral-alternatives-to-saying-you-guys/

Be vulnerable enough to tell people you didn't hear/understand something they said/asked.

Avoid rushing to a solution before hearing people out

Actively Listen to what other people are saying, rather than planning what you are going to say about your proposed solution.

Check email/messages/slack periodically to see if people have questions or if you are @mentioned

This is kind, especially to remote employees who may have no other way to get your attention.

However, "periodically" doesn't have to mean "constantly". In fact, there's an increasing body of scientific evidence that suggests constant interruptions are bad for knowledge workers (see "Deep Work" by Cal Newport).

It could be once an hour, or once a day, depending on what is appropriate for your current role on the team.

Just check it regularly!

Repeat back what people have said, using their own words

This is called "reflective listening".

Make eye contact and nod along during conversations/meetings.

When talking, draw or write on a real or virtual whiteboard.

https://realtimeboard.com works well for this.

Don't interrupt people

Say "Yes, and...", not "Yes, but..."

It is quite common to respond to an inquiry or opportunity with "yes, but", and this can easily take the steam out of the power of saying "yes."

https://www.businessinsider.com/the-power-of-yes-and-versus-yes-but-2015-10

Paraphrase what people say to show you understand

Beware shooting down ideas

Find yourself feeling less than encouraging about someone else's idea? Maybe there’s an unconscious bias steering you there, and an opportunity to figure out why you’re reacting negatively.

Here are a few thoughts about getting your point across without anyone feeling bad:

  1. Wait until someone’s done, then ask a clarifying question - Instead of pointing out all the ways in which something would never work, ask your team-mate about how they’d address those things. After hearing them out, start out with something like, “Interesting...how would we tackle…”. In pitch presos there’s time for questions at the end. And maybe we should always take the Design Studio approach, where you can only ask questions or point out things you like. (and saying “'This is bad' or 'I don't like it' aren’t acceptable).

  2. Go into problem solving mode - Approach it from the angle that you want to make an idea work. By talking through how to do that, something even better could come out of it. And if not, your team-mate will at least know you made a genuine attempt to collaborate on their idea, rather than dismissing it with zero consideration.

  3. Dial up the empathy - Think about how you felt, or would feel, if someone tried to stamp down one of your ideas, especially in front of the rest of the team. Let everyone judge for themselves and even if an idea turns out not to be worth pursuing, at least head to that conclusion together, kindly and with an open mind.

What do your favorite conversations feel like?

Find out how people prefer to receive feedback

Talk to your pair (or find someone on your pod) and have a conversation about how they prefer to give and receive feedback. Do you prefer in-person feedback, emailed, anonymized or long-form 5-paragraph essay? Immediately, at the end of the day or ?

Everyone wants feedback but not everyone has the same preferences around it. Help your teammates (and you) understand when it's appropriate and helpful to give and receive feedback!

Relevant Twitter thread by Charity Majors: https://twitter.com/mipsytipsy/status/1038918815499735040

Remove obstacles to listening

E.g.: Following up on something someone said, emailed, or messaged if it bugs you, to quickly clear up any misunderstanding or friction.

Ask questions and give feedback so you can have an engaged conversation

Ask to get back to someone if your focus is elsewhere and you'd listen better later

Principles from Dale Carnegie, "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People

  1. Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain
  2. Give Honest, Sincere, Appreciation
  3. Arouse In The Other Person An Eager Want
  4. Become Genuinely Interested In Other People
  5. Smile
  6. Remember That A Person's Name Is To That Person The Sweetest And Most Important Sound In Any Language
  7. Be A Good Listener. Encourage Others To Talk About Themselves
  8. Talk In Terms Of The Other Person's Interests
  9. Make The Other Person Feel Important - And Do It Sincerely
  10. The Only Way To Get The Best Of An Argument Is To Avoid It
  11. Show Respect For The Other Person's Opinion. Never Say, "You're Wrong."
  12. If You Are Wrong Admit It Quickly And Emphatically
  13. Begin In A Friendly Manner
  14. Get The Other Person Saying "Yes, Yes"
  15. Let The Other Person Do A Great Deal Of The Talking
  16. Let The Other Person Feel That The Idea Is His Or Hers
  17. Try Honestly To See Things From The Other Person's Point Of View
  18. Be Sympathetic With The Other Person's Ideas And Desires
  19. Appeal To The Nobler Motives
  20. Dramatize Your Ideas
  21. Throw Down A Challenge
  22. Begin With Praise And Honest Appreciation
  23. Call Attention To People's Mistakes Indirectly
  24. Talk About Your Own Mistakes Before Criticizing The Other Person
  25. Ask Questions Instead Of Giving Direct Orders
  26. Let The Other Person Save Face
  27. Praise The Slightest Improvement And Praise Every Improvement. Be "Hearty In Your Approbation And Lavish In Your Praise".
  28. Give The Other Person A Fine Reputation To Live Up To
  29. Use Encouragement. Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct
  30. Make The Other Person Happy About Doing The Thing You Suggest

BetterAllies

Lots of ideas here. Here's an example mailing list email, which contains links to their Twitter/Medium/Instagram/Pintrest:

https://mailchi.mp/1b1bc92a4e63/5-ally-actions-nov-9-2018?e=[UNIQID]

An Incomplete Guide to Inclusive Language for Startups and Tech

For an "Incomplete" guide, this is a very extensive summary of many topics around Diversity and Inclusion in tech:

https://open.buffer.com/inclusive-language-tech/

Tips for an inclusive meeting

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RBydqkvhjawbSxEUSWV01G0sWpmFWy0jXLGBAUmmwII/edit

Watch Purl

https://youtu.be/B6uuIHpFkuo

Share office housework

What is “office housework?”

Office housework includes cleaning workstations, scheduling the next meeting, taking notes at a meeting (when it’s not your job), collecting money for a coworker’s birthday gift, cleaning up the pizza boxes after a lunch meeting, or, even in a more technical nature, cleaning up comments in the code before it ships. These are necessary tasks, but they don’t lead to bottom-line results.

What you can do - take on housework tasks

Help keep work areas clean. Even if it doesn’t bother you it might be bothering someone else, and it is not their job to clean up after you.

Other things: taking notes in meetings, following up on action items, cleaning up after a meeting. Simple, everyday actions make a big difference.

Why is this a gendered issue?

In a study done of women in Silicon valley, almost half of women with more than 10 years of experience were asked to do “office housework” that their male counterparts were not asked to do.

More information here: https://medium.com/pluralsight/diversity-in-tech-3-ways-more-inclusive-workpace-7e65aa1b0545

The Power of Gratitude in the Workplace

PSU Research Shows that Expressing Gratitude Improves Physical and Mental Health

Express gratitude when you see someone doing a good job. A positive feedback loop impacts you and those around you, and can ultimately shape a healthier and happier community.

https://www.pdx.edu/sba/news/power-gratitude-workplace-psu-research-shows-expressing-gratitude-improves-physical-and-mental

Common Management Biases

https://courses.lumenlearning.com/wm-principlesofmanagement/chapter/common-management-biases/

Measure your Retrospectives

Enrico Teotti has a good article on measuring your retrospectives. Here's the highlights:

Action items and experiments resulting from retros should be SMART: Specific Measurable Achievable/Actionable Relevant Timebound

Measure team engagement at the beginning of the retro by asking what ESVP role they are: Explorer Shopper Vacationer Prisoner

Measure the return of time invested at the end of the retro (ROTI): 4 = Excellent 3 = Above average 2 = Average 1 = Below average 0 = Useless

Have empathy for people with fewer "spoons" than you

https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

"Spoon theory" helps us understand and empathize with people who suffer from chronic conditions, such as pain, fatigue, depression, anxiety, etc.

This week, if someone seems tired or irratable, ask them how they are doing, and have a discussion about how many spoons you each currently have.

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