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A note about gender identity

Hey.

If you are reading this, you probably have some strong feelings about your gender identity. You may have questions, or you may have a strong sense of identity and just wonder what's next. You may not even know the basics about gender. All of that is okay. The process is always the same.

The end goal is also always the same: a healthy, safe, authentic life. You deserve to thrive, and nothing you have done will change that.

First things first, remember that this new experience is the real you. Your brain will struggle with that for a while. Imposter syndrome is common, dysphoria (or euphoria) may come and go, and only you can decide what your gender identity actually means to you. If you should come to desire some degree of social or medical transition, remember that transition is personal. Transition (or degree of transition) does not validate or invalidate your identity.

You may feel a great deal of conflict about the dissonance between your body and the body you desire. Be compassionate in choosing that target. Whatever you look like, there's someone of your identified gender with basically the same body and face, out there killin' it. Find that person and emulate them, rather than pounding your face against things out of your control. If you feel the desire or need to make physical changes, that's okay, too.

For many people, it gets harder before it gets easier. Some people in your life may think this is something you are choosing, rather than something that is core to you. It may help to explain that it's like left-handedness; something unchosen, which still demands specific behaviors.

It also might not help to explain. You may have to make major life changes to find safe spaces in which to rebuild your persona. This is not weakness or a character flaw; setting yourself up for success is a strength.

You may have to mourn some relationships, but you aren't doing this to anyone. You are accepting a truth about yourself, and taking steps to protect your physical and emotional health. If, in the course of your exploration, you find a barrier you can't climb over, you may have to go around it. You may have to change your environment. But even if you find yourself temporarily isolated, you are not alone.

Here are some links to get you started:

Lastly,

Good luck, sibling. 🌈 🦄 💝

Edit:

  • 2019/04/24 - updated to include v5.3 of Dr. Powers' presentation
  • 2019/03/06 - updated to include v5.2 of Dr. Powers' presentation
  • 2018/06/29 - updated to include v4 of Dr. Powers' presentation
  • 2018/05/28 - updated to be less specific to people who already know how they identify, and moved it to github
  • 2018/02/04 - added transmasculine presentation guide link
  • 2017/10/26 - updated to include v3 of Dr. Powers' presentation
  • 2017/11/05 - added link to "how to talk to" guides

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