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Created October 16, 2011 23:33
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So, I went to see a beard grower ...
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trainer.md

A few weeks ago I decided I wanted to grow a beard. The interaction did not go quite how I expected.

Me: So, I'm looking to grow a beard. Not just any beard, but one that ends at my knees. I want to turn heads when I take my shirt off. I've got a trip to Nigeria coming up in three months, so I need to start growing this as soon as possible.

Beard Grower: I can definitely help you with that!

Me: Great! And just so we're on the same page, and don't want to mess with any of that miracle grow stuff. Or implants. I really hate those. And the only days I have available for growing the beard are Fridays. I can concentrate really hard that day, though.

Beard Grower: Well, if you want to grow a beard in three months, implants will definitely be a part of your growing experience. In fact, that's most of what we do here. That and camel petting zoos. And only concentrating about your beard growth once a week isn't going to get you anywhere near your goal, not to mention the danger of trying to push yourself too hard in one concentration session. Especially if you are simultaneously riding a camel.

Me: Hmmm, that's disappointing. I understand my conditions are not ideal, but I'm happy to pay you if you can work with me.

Beard Grower: Okay, that sounds good, but we'll need to charge you double considering you will be our only client.

Me: Okay, fine. I can handle the concentration sessions, and I enjoy camels, so I can probably find a couple more days a week to come in.

Beard Grower: Excellent! Now, with your goals you know you'll need to begin to enjoy eating camel meat?

Me: Hey now, I'm just hiring you for training. I'm a busy guy, and I eat out a lot. Changing my diet isn't what I came in for.

Beard Grower: Well, that's your call, but be prepared not to hit your goals. I should also mention it tastes like chicken. But maybe a little more gamey.

Me: Sigh... Okay, I'll see what I can do. I can tell you have my best interests in mind, and I'm staring to feel like we can really make this happen. When can we start?

Beard Grower: You have already started, my son.

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