The Problem

Standard practices say no non-root process gets to talk to the Internet on a port less than 1024. How, then, could I get Node talking on port 80 on EC2? (I wanted it to go as fast as possible and use the smallest possible share of my teeny tiny little micro-instance's resources, so proxying through nginx or Apache seemed suboptimal.)

The temptingly easy but ultimately wrong solution:

Alter the port the script talks to from 8000 to 80:

}).listen(80);