Skip to content

Instantly share code, notes, and snippets.

@haayhappen
Forked from textarcana/devops_borat.dat
Created October 13, 2021 11:24
Show Gist options
  • Save haayhappen/aeb32b59ef65830c29156dbfcbba7166 to your computer and use it in GitHub Desktop.
Save haayhappen/aeb32b59ef65830c29156dbfcbba7166 to your computer and use it in GitHub Desktop.
The wisdom of Devops Borat (RIP, may Taichi Ohno himself carry him into Valhalla!) condensed in fortune cookie format without any @ messages included. Just the goofiest random shit :)
I remember very clear I cry when I finish volume 3 of Knuth.
%
I am work on CSS SQL.
%
First sign of depression in devops is denial: you start of ignore Nagios alert.
%
In devops language is not success unless is another language++.
%
In devops you are addict to graph if first thought after orgasm is send duration and intensity to Graphite.
%
If you want take server temperature for send to Graphite I recommend rectal method.
%
In lean startup if you have uptime of > 75% you are do it wrong, is sign you pay too much of money for devops.
%
Many devops not know what threshold of pain they have because they never try pair programming.
%
Due of lack of enthusiasm from user Google is launch Dart++ tomorrow.
%
Devops trick question of today is fill in blank: Perl 6, Python 3, PHP 6, ___?
%
Devops law of Open Source: 10% of project have docs. Of them 10% have good docs. Of them 10% are useful. Of them 10% are used.
%
In devops is not uncommon of see death by a thousand pages of Wiki.
%
Source of Google is tell me most critical piece of their infrastructure are Python 2.3 and duct tape.
%
Is best not of disturb MySQL while is take dump.
%
Devops remember first step in launch startup is have perfect elevator bitch for VC!
%
If you are think of use Hadoop on Windows it mean you have not master full power of MS Access yet.
%
K&R C is Harley Davidson of devops.
%
In startup we eat own dog food. Best is Purina.
%
Euphemism for junior devops is "Windows power user".
%
In startup we follow Yegge advice of have public API for all internal object. Is for user to mashup our application.
%
In devops you are right only 25% of time. For rest you prefer of be wrong or clueless?
%
I start believe in AI when it can able rack server at 1 in morning.
%
You know you have good devops infrastructure if is take outage of 1 data center and 2 EC2 region for shit to get real.
%
For job security in devops make of sure you advocate Continuous Delivery and implement by manual procedure of 45 step!
%
Fuckings! I tell Siri deploy Hadoop cluster and she order Oracle Big Data Appliance!
%
Piwik, Siri, I say Piwik and not Omniture SiteCatalyst!
%
I get of it now! My iPhone 4s is come with Siri Enterprise Edition!
%
Behind every Big Data problem is Small Data fuckup.
%
I write article on "Anatomy of devops cultural interactions". Only 2 words: Big Dicks.
%
Devops remember sign up for next semester online class offer by Stanford on "Programming, Motherfucker"!
%
Is easy of have Siri do any thing you want: just use sudo.
%
Native devops have 23 different word for deployment.
%
Before accept full responsible always try of blame RAID controller.
%
SSD is new SAN.
%
Devops remember stop sometime for count your blessing! Unless you are Windows admin.
%
People are ask me: what is devops? Is scripting and shit.
%
I not trust any technology if nobody is tweet about it.
%
In startup we have janitor wear CTO hat this week. He is order no bug in code for next 6 day.
%
Big Data analyst is pole dancer of devops.
%
In lean startup we refactor ruthless by put code on autoshuffle.
%
In Kazakhstan we say "Give me of liberty or give me of Java"!
%
Source of Google is tell me Android Marshmallow is have emotional intelligence of average Google engineer!
%
Source of Google is also tell me Android Pumpkin Pie is have enough AI for create Android Rhubarb Crumble!
%
Siri is tell me all hipster are douchebag but not all douchebag are hipster.
%
New blog post: "Deploy ALL the things" - [1615]http://goo.gl/JhygD
%
I am only reach for Perl if I can not able do it with Apache config directive.
%
In startup we are use NoSQL and NoTest.
%
In devops is important always have beginner mind. Is why we are use homegrown bash script for everything.
%
1 TB of Big Data is much more than 1024 GB of small data.
%
In junior devops we have 'monkey see, monkey bring down cloud'.
%
Devops if you can not able get right woman, try of use better regex!
%
Is very easy of get to 80% webscale. Is the next 5 year that is hard.
%
Maybe is not work because you are use wrong Unicorn encoding?
%
In devops is small difference of bulls eye and bulls shit. Is measured in press releases.
%
In devops 'sow wild oats' is when you roll own crypto.
%
Give junior devops Perl Camel book and they are never need another language. They are also never learn proper programming.
%
If you are not devops you need of choose easy remember password. If you are devops you need of choose easy remember ssh keypair.
%
Lisp is first programming language I have learn. Then I discover Visual Basic and never look back.
%
Easy thing of Lisp is start with parenthese. Hard thing of Lisp is where of put last parenthese.
%
I work on book of 'Not cc all company in email by mistake for dummies'.
%
In devops we have 40/30/20/10 Rule. 40% time spend at conference, 30% create todo list, 20% prioritize list, 10% respond to Nagios alert.
%
True devops can able teach CS 101 by use simple abacus.
%
Manager remember! Tell Windows sysadmin not apply latest patch is same as tell lemming stay away of cliff!
%
Top 3 useless thing in devops are Scrum Master certification, security policy document and Python 3.
%
In devops threesome is when you are use Perl, Python and Ruby on same project.
%
If you are feel good after write script which interact with database, it mean you have less of 5 year experience in devops.
%
In startup we are need of fire all unpaid intern. Too much consumption of snack is affect financial.
%
Devops Dozen is when you are take 13 day for accomplish thing which can easy able do in 12 hour.
%
I never understand expression 'waiting for other shoe to drop' until I roll out application on PaaS.
%
In startup we are hire only rockstar, ninja or samurai. Vague familiar with computer is big plus.
%
I have witness PostgreSQL hit many of home run. But is just because is MySQL on steroid.
%
I want quit Google+ but Siri has just add me to her circle of intelligent robot.
%
Goal of devops is do less with more.
%
In devops we are always use Chef or Puppet. Is why we are the 1%.
%
Practical experience with NoSQL is prompt you to do it or avoid it. No practical experience is prompt you to present of it at conference.
%
In devops is not of what you know, is of who is follow you on Twitter.
%
Devops in Europe must of be proud of show most expensive haircut ever.
%
If you want have your devops get best orgasm make of sure you MapReduce log data then visualize in Graphite.
%
New junior devops has doing chaos monkey on 3 Cisco switch in server room today. He is on probation 2 week on Windows Vista.
%
I have bad english but maybe native speaker can tell if brogrammer and douchebag is same?
%
For Halloween I am dress as LDAP server. I not like talk to anybody.
%
Rule of thumb: technology or product name which is start with Open is fail.
%
Number one mistake of devops in job interview is speak in JSON.
%
In devops is never good time of lose SEO virginity.
%
In Kazakhstan we are laugh at short sight of Silicon Valley. We build company for last at least 200 year. Is why we use COBOL on AS/400.
%
Devops at Facebook is tell me Google Plus is threaten his job. User abandon G+ for Facebook are almost too much for handle!
%
I am very close of release Tcl++.
%
Devops remember, Big Data is just Small Data which you let sit for 2 year!
%
Is true that everybody in Palo Alto is dress up as VC today?
%
Devops remember Y Combinator Halloween party tonight! Theme is "90% of startup are fail but 100% of devops in startup are have no life"!
%
True devops never XML, FTP, ORM or RPC.
%
I am of happy Halloween is pass. It was hard distinguish costume douchebag from real douchebag.
%
I write book 'Kama Sutra for devops'. Is show graphic all possible intercourse of firewall with load balancer.
%
For bathroom humor in devops I am recommend read random PHP script.
%
Many vendor are offer Hadoop this days. I personal prefer buy from Apache.
%
If any of unit test you have is not fit in single tweet, you are do it wrong.
%
I am work on dating site for single points of failure.
%
Tomorrow we migrate off cloud if weather permit.
%
If you have startup name not end in ly you are do it wrong.
%
In devops time warp is when full backup is take more of 24 hours.
%
Never do today what small shell script can able do tomorrow.
%
I can able stand of watch first half only of video 'Two devops and a Cisco PIX'.
%
Best program I write in devops career is Perl script which is ask 5 personal question and spit out IT budget for next year.
%
"DevOps in the Cloud" is pleonasm.
%
Junior devops are in charge of scale up. Senior devops are in charge of scale down.
%
If you can not able ship it, next best thing is act as if you have ship it.
%
I am close of release pine and elm theme for Gmail.
%
Source of Google is tell me they are switch teams around for development of career. Is why Gmail interface is done by Big Table team.
%
Infrastructure is only need love from devops. Devops are only need respect from infrastructure.
%
Hardest thing in write 'iptables for Dummies' book is call remote hand for reboot machine each of time I run sample script.
%
#2 most stress job of devops is Google SRE. #1 is Database Migrator.
%
Cloud expert is #1 least stress job of devops. Is only involve tweet.
%
I can never able setup site to site VPN unless I am resort to Jedi mindtrick.
%
I watch Devops Tales From The Crypt first episode. Is very scary, contain graphic image of debug Apache rewrite rule.
%
Juniper is Chaos Monkey for ISP.
%
Rackspace are look for guinea pig customer for install private cloud on OpenStack! They not roll out in own cloud yet, is too buggy.
%
Sign you are young and still learn in devops is you are not afraid of use -r in rm command.
%
You are get shit done? Yes: continue. No: continue of read and reply to tweet.
%
In devops third time is usually charm. But first 2 time are epic fail.
%
In Scrum is chicken and is pig. In Lean is douche and is bag.
%
Is me or is urine smell as bad like Cisco router after night spend at data center?
%
Big data analytics is show devops which can not able stand word fuck in presentation are prefer SQL Server.
%
In devops you can able be total asshole as long as you are produce beautiful graphs.
%
In startup we have 3 position open of devops. Please not bother of apply if you are work for live and not live for work.
%
When you are read code you write 6 month ago, is 95% inconceivable.
%
With enough eyeball all code is shallow.
%
For rank superstar in startup we are use metric: for dev line of code write/hr, for ops line of log inspect/hr, for QA bug find/hr.
%
In Lean Startup if you are write more code than janitor you are do it wrong.
%
In Lean Startup we are never waste time with documentation. But you are welcome of buy sign copy of our book!
%
Is better dev who pretend are ops or ops who pretend are dev? Only way of find out is put all on pager.
%
In enterprise you are bitch of hardware vendor. In startup you are bitch of cloud provider API.
%
An question: Mark Shuttleworth invent Ubuntu before or after he walk on Moon?
%
I can not able present of Big Data in front of audience because I get too much of Big Erection
%
When I am depress I start think it can able be worse: some devops are manage Exchange server somewhere.
%
Cloud expert try of launch new cloud instance is same as U S and A football announcer try of score touchdown.
%
Is possible for devops of walk on hot coal if put mind to it. Is not possible for devops of get app work with SELinux.
%
Is all make sense now: source of Canonical is tell me maintainer of AppArmor and designer of Unity are one and same person!
%
Karl Marx was much right: Hacker News is opium of devops.
%
Friend from Google is tell me they have best food in Googleplex but they not allowed make recipes public.
%
Is no such thing as Big Data. Is only data you not sampled sufficient yet so it fit in RAM and it process with SQLite.
%
Big advantage of BigQuery after you give all of your data to Google is you are able query it and see ads base on result.
%
In startup we have Senior Data Analyst use Hadoop as Viagra so he can able finally fuck with his data.
%
Big news! I quit startup! I am tire of do same old shit. I join new startup and am do much new cool shit!
%
Is easy get confuse of cloud and Internet. Main difference is Internet never go down.
%
Protip for Junior Devops: Ethernet is not same as Internet. Cloud is need both.
%
Other main difference of cloud and Internet is half of Internet is have sad face of Wikipedia founder look at you.
%
Hipster devops can not able use Hadoop unless is rewrite in Scala.
%
You can only able do Agile if you have good Scum Master.
%
In startup we are hire devops only if they can able show contribution to 25 project on GitHub and are not possess resume.
%
Is better NoSQL than misunderestimated SQL.
%
I am never use product with version end in odd number.
%
Oh to be of young devops again and to get of excite by boot in single user mode...
%
R is bc for hipster.
%
Cloud definition: art of fail at scale.
%
When benchmark new database technology, make sure not only use own laptop. Be much thorough and also use desktop.
%
ETL is other word for when you are use lot of sed and awk in your script.
%
Many devops are dick but few are hard.
%
We have 3 strike rule for devops: 1 strike we are take away Perl. 2 strike we are take away bash. 3 strike we are give PowerShell.
%
In startup we are hire devops only if they can able of solve in interview problem we had for last 3 year.
%
Best distributed key/value data store is DNS.
%
I am try of teach junior devops how to proper manual testing but they are only go through motions.
%
Junior devops are make bad judgment but very fast. Senior devops are make good judgment but too slow.
%
Myth of devops #1: plan new feature and release in same month.
%
Myth of devops #2: tester catch up with developer in same iteration.
%
Myth of devops #3: great success of deploy to production on Friday.
%
If you ever express opinion and are not use word 'always' or 'never' you are do it wrong.
%
Myth of devops #4: of course we can able scale, we are use cloud!
%
Cloud instance is need only for few day but subtle bug in Puppet manifest is live forever.
%
You are good devops only if you are spend quantity time with your infrastructure.
%
In devops we have Mile High Club of deploy to production from plane.
%
In devops ego is direct proportion to number of programming language we know. Salary is inverse proportion.
%
I convince famous Kazakhstan film director of buy right to Stevens TCP/IP Illustrated!
%
Devops please take moment of consider somewhere somebody is now troubleshoot NIS+ issue on Solaris.
%
Is not in production until you are receive critical alert of it.
%
You can able tell junior devops by they are finish task 3 to 6 month after deadline. Senior devops are never finish.
%
Is good saying 'if you are want thing done, give to person most busy'. Is why in startup we give all new project to janitor.
%
Welcome to new public cloud! Come for infinite elastic, stay for data lock in.
%
In devops is nothing as risky as a no-brainer.
%
I am not use tool which not end in sh, rl, cs or ng.
%
In startup for each of bug we have BDFL.
%
Is all fun and game until it segfault.
%
In devops we not use expression 'shoot yourself in foot'. We use expression 'use NFS in cloud'.
%
Number of project you are contribute in GitHub is inverse proportional to number of conference you are attend in year.
%
You can able tell expert of software architecture by they are never involve in deploy to production.
%
You are true devops if you have wet dream of achieve 100% code coverage.
%
If want something done in 10 minute, send to devops email. If want no reply for 10 day, send to sales email.
%
10 thing you not know of devops: 1) if we are yell at you is because we are care; 2) we are always count in binary
%
Unix devops can able unleash power of bash. Windows devops can only able unleash power of .bat.
%
Responsible green devops are always ask of themselves "Is this really good for Internet" before do git push.
%
In Kazakhstan we are pepperspray router only if it drop packet.
%
In startup we are Thanksgiving for opportunity of learn new skill for use in next startup when first is fail.
%
In devops nothing is more pain as when choose between C and A. Is why we pretend P never happen.
%
Rule of thumb is less user you have, is faster site with less issue. Aim for 0 user and you are get infinite speed with 0 bug.
%
Only thing of compare with write first working Perl script is lose virginity.
%
In devops you either are contribute to tool or you are tool.
%
In startup we have Siri #1 write code. She is also tell Siri #2 of write automate test. Future is now.
%
Lately I suffer of web performance anxiety and kernel panic attack.
%
Before start program in Javascript try count to 10. Most time urge is pass.
%
I can already able tell 2012 is year of Borland Turbo Cloud.
%
Only best manual tester can able watch grass grow.
%
In startup we are work on product for Big Metadata.
%
In startup for Agile practice we are automate brainstorming with Mechanical Turk.
%
In devops if you carry pager every day is Cyber Monday.
%
I am almost finish with PhD in timezone math!
%
Difference of junior and senior devops is junior devops are imagine they can able master Unicode.
%
Single point of failure in private cloud is of usually Unix guy with neckbeard.
%
Attention devops: "learn NoSQL" is not same as "learn no SQL"!
%
I have never see shit hit fan at data center but I have see shit hit air conditioning unit.
%
You can able tell senior devops by they can able shoot themselve in foot in any of programming language.
%
Junior devops are always ask me which new technology they need learn. I am always tell them learn of keep disk space available for user.
%
If cloud standard committee and security policy have lovechild, it would be name ROT13.
%
Study is show private cloud is most of dangerous for data lock-in. After 2 month nobody is remember how get data back.
%
I am still have PTSD 20 year after type rm -rf * .o
%
I manage of automate everything! Now I am so bored I am volunteer time as desktop support.
%
Tell me how many of ls option you are know and I tell you if you are wear sock with sandal.
%
Is good of see Yammer team expose truth of Scala is not Turing complete!
%
Is matter very little which of JVM language you are use if visitor can only able see on your site "Error when connect to database".
%
No, Siri! I say 'we have database is shit' not 'have database shut down'!
%
Last night I have nightmare I was BDFL of Apache Flex SDK.
%
You can able tell junior devops by they are not protect themselve when they are fuck with database.
%
Source of Google is tell me they are donate Google Plus to Apache Foundation.
%
Source of Canonical is tell me they project 2012 is year of Ubuntu is become dominant OS on Compaq desktop.
%
I run Big Data Analytic on result of Myers-Briggs test for devops. Most common type is Insensitive Jerk.
%
Main difference of sysadmin and devops is as sysadmin you are have less chance of get laid.
%
I go to devops bar last night and manage of score some tail recursion!
%
Devops not forget! Tomorrow you can able read official position of ours startup on Erlang, Haskell, Clojure and Go!
%
CouchDB is Ingres of NoSQL.
%
If pager is beep at night but nobody is hear, is site still down?
%
In startup we are only hire junior devops if they are at least 5 trick pony.
%
I start of use ql.io only when is become NoSQL-compliant.
%
Devops remember, nobody is say on deathbed they wish they set up more VPN tunnel!
%
You are good manager only if you are find Internet Samurai in every of devops you manage.
%
If your application is use HTTP and your company is not in cloudscape you need of protest! [1152]http://www.bvp.com/cloud/bvp_cloudscape.html ...
%
I get shitface with 2 others devops last night and we manage of establish which is better of Chef and Puppet. Can not able remember.
%
For get job in ours startup is not enough sufficient of be rockstar. We are only hire Lady Gaga devops.
%
Junior devops can able be passive-aggressive but senior devops are of always aggressive-aggressive.
%
Thought leader is same as regular devops but can able talk good BS.
%
Source of Microsoft is tell me in next version of Visual Studio you can able press F12 for shut down entire Azure cloud at once.
%
Devops if you are feel project is not go anywhere, try of start from scratch but this time with UML.
%
Many of devops are now launch cloud instance beyond their means.
%
If you are male devops you are of the 99%.
%
I read documentation for new REST API and I am confuse. Is only say 'GET SOME'.
%
Nobody is of guilty if they are get sick! Is why I am never blame serial startup founder.
%
Never believe of devops when they are talk of eternal love. Eternity for devops is 5 year at same company.
%
In chinese is crisis=danger+opportunity. In devops crisis=site down+boss is know of it.
%
In startup we have infrastructure as code but nobody is able debug it.
%
Good sign you are write too much code is you are create new programming language by mistake every day.
%
In devops M is for Maven and Masochist.
%
You are either have eventual consistency delay today or eventual web site tomorrow.
%
In devops we are never do today what we can able blame on cloud issue tomorrow.
%
Is call middleware because you can not able make head or tail of it.
%
Big Data Analytic is show 90% of startup are fail because they have solution but no problem.
%
Financial of company is inverse proportion of number of newsletter it send.
%
I have dream last night I manage of disprove CAP theorem. Is involve bash script of 1000 line and lot of duct tape.
%
When is come to performance in job, 95% of devops are think they are in 95th percentile.
%
Some time is hard of find exact person culprit of bug but is usually member of QA team.
%
In startup we are graph so much of shit we can not able tell good shit from bad shit.
%
Is no loneliness bigger of talk on IM with guy next of you at work.
%
Is time for Douchebag Of Year award for devops but is impossible of choose, too much candidates.
%
I hate of burst bubble of Rails programmer and MongoDB devops, but Santa is not exist.
%
If you are practice Continuous Deployment but never do Frantic Deployment, you are not experience enough.
%
Source of Facebook is tell me they are close of release TurboPHP.
%
In startup we are have Small Data but of at least we are have Big Pipe.
%
I am prefer honest No from datacenter server than Maybe from cloud VM.
%
When junior devops are come to me with problem I am tell them go learn tcpdump and come back in 1 year.
%
Is very easy have great success in devops. 1) Get shit done. 2) Make of sure shit work.
%
When want get good shit done check of code smell first.
%
They are come to me junior devops and they are leave Perl one-liner guru with neckbeard.
%
In startup friday is retro day. Dev are allow compile and link code and QA are do manual testing. Ops can able install Gentoo (VM only).
%
Small Data in, Garbage out.
%
If you are not remove 2 LOC for every of 1 LOC you are write then you are do it wrong.
%
If all you are have is hammer, everything is look like shell script.
%
You can not able experience true meaning of production bug until you are achieve 100% test coverage.
%
Hell is other people which are need help with Outlook.
%
Source of HP is tell me you are need of install printer driver before you can able use HP Cloud API.
%
Source of Google is tell me most searched phrase is start with 'fucking Google changed my ...'.
%
If you want of do Big Data and you not know good math all you can able achieve is Medium Data.
%
You can able tell senior devops by they are go batshit crazy at least of once per day.
%
Is not about backup, is about restore.
%
In devops if shit is worth of doing, shit is hard.
%
You can able tell junior devops by they are excite database is fit in RAM.
%
Source of MySQL is tell me they are rebrand in 2012 as Oracle Me.
%
When recruiter is call I tell follow me on Twitter then DM me. Is never fail.
%
2012 is year of private cloud, Linux desktop and establish which of emacs and vi is better.
%
Guess company which is get buy in 2012 by one of other company in this list: Oracle, eBay, Google, Salesforce.
%
Devops remember if get fortune cookie, add 'in cloud' when read.
%
Dummies are people which are think they are smarter as people which are read 'For Dummies' book.
%
Very disappoint in new generation of devops. 90% of letter to Santa are contain malform XML!
%
5 essential tool you are need in devops: Perl.
%
When have doubt, delegate.
%
When devops are fall in love, they are promise each other C and A with no P.
%
Womans devops: best gift for your man devops is tell him GitHub would not be same without him!
%
Mens devops: best gift for your woman devops is tell her you are love her as much as your favorite editor!
%
Hipster devops are never use Python because is lack blocks.
%
Big Data Analytic is show 60% of email is spam and 20% can ignore. Other 20% is Nagios alert.
%
Big Data is in eye of beholder.
%
In devops we are call bash script of more of 50 line of code "slippery slope".
%
I am only visit site which are look good in VT100.
%
If run command over ssh in for loop of 100 machine is wrong, I not want of be right.
%
Next big project I have for year 2012 is rewrite Apache httpd in node.js.
%
80% of issue in devops today is because people have not study Knuth of properly.
%
We have new startup is name Shitly. Mission is we are show you how we are use shit technology so you can able avoid it.
%
I just find out in Chinese calendar is 2012 Year of Troll.
%
Secret of success is hire people which are more smartass than you.
%
Word of encourage to node.js programmer: not pay attention to negative comment! In beginning people were think PHP was shit technology too!
%
Was very busy with Amazon Elastic Rolling Reboot.
%
@jaredfolkins too many of character for type. Try of 'top'.
%
I am almost finish with book 'Making sure server comes up after reboot for Dummies'.
%
Devops prediction for year 2012: Cloud, NoSQL and Big Data are final get press they are deserve.
%
In devops profession you can able be old but still hotshot.
%
99% of problem in devops can able be solve with just of Turbo C.
%
90% of Windows devops are suffer of root envy.
%
All devops are have hidden superpower. Is why I not believe in CAP theorem.
%
I have resolution for 2012 of not learn javascript.
%
I have resolution for 2012 of learn new language every of month for never use in production.
%
Have title of devops is not bring more of money but is help of get laid.
%
I take half bake shell script from yesterday over fully cook README file from last year.
%
Highest quality of software is one which is never ship.
%
In startup we are not hire devops which never lost data by stupid of mistake.
%
In startup we have conclusion of best way for prioritize backlog is Twitter sentiment analysis.
%
Every technology is evolve until is become acronym.
%
In startup we manage of hire node.js ninja. Primary responsibility is follow up on comment on Hacker News.
%
Vera of QA is tell me she start date devops but is not look good long-term because he have git commitment issue.
%
All OS are evolve until they are support dtrace.
%
In startup we are play hard but then we are also play hard.
%
In devops record of wiki still usable is 43 day.
%
2011 Community of Year award is go to CouchDB.
%
Big Data Analytic is show every 36 hour is one technology jump shark.
%
You have devops is suffer of apathy? Get his ass on pager.
%
In startup we are automate everything long ago but nobody is remember why.
%
Cloud is past infancy but most cloud expert are stuck there.
%
All success project have ratio of 4 NO to 1 YES.
%
Be automate and wrong or be manual and right?
%
Sufficient advance devops is indistinguish from lazy fucker.
%
In startup we have rule only do business with vendor which is reply to email in less of 30 minute.
%
In devops you can not able fake it unless you are at CTO or above.
%
If you are not use cloud yet you are miss out on push limit of human stupidity.
%
Personal record is 8 LOC with not syntax error or spell mistake.
%
I full support decision of Jerry Yang for go dark against SOPA!
%
Most devops are not realize but every of 1 hour spend by code is 1 hour less spend on HN.
%
Is not metaprogramming if you are still understand it after 2 week.
%
Is not true agile if is not teach by expensive consultant.
%
If you have impression StopSOPA was of difficulty, try StopTDD!
%
Best analogy I find so far for explain concept of ScrumMaster to new devops is Tooth Fairy.
%
Devops remember cloud is only means to end. End is cloud vendor get rich.
%
Not 2 devops are alike. Is why each is reinvent wheel.
%
Source of Amazon is tell me they soon have next big announce of Elastic Kanban.
%
First step of deal with database issue is apply KISSD principle.
%
Nothing is give false sense of security like great success of load test in stage.
%
Is not in production until is fail hard in 2 different way.
%
Law of Devops #1: if is too easy now, is always come back bite you later.
%
Law of Devops #2: in 90% of case, scalability is not mean what you are think is mean.
%
Law of Devops #3: success is 80% perception, 15% luck and 5% transpiration.
%
Node summit participant please considering attend event next week DoucheCamp in Almaty Kazakhstan!
%
Reason few devops are progress to CTO is they are too of technical for own good.
%
Decent devops are borrow code. Good devops are steal code. Best devops are never use own code.
%
If you are ever need of ask for permission you are not true devops.
%
In devops we are spend 1 hour on Twitter for each of 1 sec of make test suite faster.
%
Agile devops can not able afford have bug in code. Is why we test own code and not need QA.
%
Walk before run. C before C++ before Java before Scala.
%
Is seem easy but we are know devops life is NP-Hard.
%
In lean startup is CEO need of be specialist in Photoshop and Cloud.
%
If RabbitMQ is answer, you are ask wrong question.
%
Optimist is devops who is ignore first 2 Nagios alert.
%
Infinite scalability is always give you 50% less than what you are expect.
%
You not really know what data lockin is until you are hire professional Oracle DBA.
%
On top 10 list of way for startup to fail is technology choice #11.
%
Cloud expert are only 1% of devops ! Rest of 99% are actual know how use rsync.
%
In startup we have NoOps. All sysadmin request are go direct to CEO.
%
Friend hipster is tell me Java is new Scala.
%
Single Sign-On is always come in three.
%
JavaScript is only interest me because is about Java and scripting.
%
If you are expert of BASIC or Clojure is make little of difference to hot womans.
%
Before every of bug is always shrug.
%
I never meet developer which not write bug-free code.
%
Cloud is when virtual machine is operate on virtual data.
%
I not find problem yet which can not able be solve by press release.
%
You are not true Agile if you know what you are talk about more of 55% of time.
%
Devops make of sure you not call TDD practitioner "coder'! Proper term is "failing test fixer".
%
I am only lose hope when developer is tell me "I get it done soon".
%
Thin line between annoy and despair is between 2 and 5 nagios alert of night.
%
I am only mark email important if I receive same of message 6 time in 2 week from 3 different person.
%
I am ready for startup, I look for minimal viable cofounder.
%
Clojure is useful for programmer who are come to Java from Java.
%
Devops for Valentine Day forget of chocolate kiss and give each of other gift of unit test!
%
In devops we are follow 80/20 rule: we are automate 80% and we are leave hard 20% manual for job security.
%
In startup we are measure many thing but only one is matter: tweet/hour.
%
In startup we have first fireable offense is dependency injection.
%
You are not true Microsoft shop if you are not practice Powerpoint Driven Development.
%
VC are demand increase income for startup so we are build paywall between dev and ops.
%
I am only accept job offer from startup which is in business for 8 year.
%
Is great job security for sysadmin. Server is not go configure itself!
%
Big Data Analytic is show best ingredient for success of pair programming is Chanel No. 5.
%
In startup we are spend 10 hour of every single day on automate everything.
%
Very excite of work at startup with big idea for monetize HTTP.
%
In startup after too much Nagios critical alert we are always perform 5 Why. Each of time we are find interesting way of destroy pager!
%
Rule of thumb in devops is if task is not get done in 3 month then is never get done.
%
In devops we are never panic as much as when we are push out of quadrant 3 [814]http://c2.com/cgi/wiki?FourQuadrants ...
%
For understand recursion, answer "Who is monitor your monitor server?"
%
Is turn out 99% of dev are NoOps and are not even know it!
%
In startup we are fire QA if they are ever find more of 3 critical bug per release.
%
In startup we are look for CEO which not succeed but fail exact 2 other startup. Third time is charm.
%
I am tune out at word 'vendor'.
%
Every piece of software is not finish evolve until is become dinosaur.
%
Best bug report are passive-aggressive.
%
Many devops are seduce and abandon by cloud but nobody is regret it.
%
I am never feed server again once I deploy.
%
If you have Big Data process is involve grep, you are do it wrong.
%
In devops we are communicate with coworker only by JIRA ticket.
%
In cloud you need of launch 100 instance/day and terminate 99 instance/day just for stay in game.
%
In devops many time we not see tree for root.
%
For avoid Azure cloud outage scenario in startup we are only hire devops born on 29 of february [782]http://blogs.msdn.com/b/windowsazure/archive/2012/03/01/windows-azure-service-disruption-update.aspx ...
%
In devops we are always get shit done. Only problem is most of it is shit.
%
For junior devops I recommend of start with Low Availability first.
%
In devops equivalent of wet dream is run benchmark of web server with not network traffic on localhost.
%
Is ridicule when company have wall between dev and ops. In startup we are use NDA instead.
%
I have good gene. Father was ALGOL hipster in 1958.
%
Once you are try Big Data you can not able go back.
%
Internet would be safer place if brogrammer use strncpy.
%
I write all infrastrucure diagram on paper because everything is look good on paper.
%
In security startup we are heavy use of RoR as honeypot.
%
Is time for abandon startup when CEO is start of learn Clojure.
%
If is take you less of 10 year to master something you are do it wrong.
%
If you are still fascinate by NoSQL in 2012 you must of be brogrammer.
%
In devops is always get worse before is get worse.
%
In devops 1% know they are know, 9% know they are not know, 20% not know they are know and 70% not know they are not know.
%
If you not direct all user from regular site to mobile site you are do it wrong.
%
80% of devops need of exercise more, are out of breath after one deploy.
%
In startup we are only hire devops which have never hear of Twitter and irc.
%
Devops remember nobody got fire for buy Open Source software.
%
In startup we are only hire Windows devops if they prove they can able format C drive under 50 second.
%
Behind every of great devops is great 100 line bash script.
%
In devops you can able choose of have sinking feeling in stomach before, during or after deploy to production.
%
Life of devops in 6 word: "I thought it was staging database"
%
Slashdot is Reddit for hipster.
%
In devops we can not able read any documentation longer of 140 characters.
%
In startup we have manager always start day by praise 4 devops and criticize 1 devops of random.
%
In devops any of fool can able come up with funny absurd thing. Is take senior devops for actual deploy it.
%
In devops we are have few of aha moment but lot of WTF moment.
%
Sign economy is bad is when devops are start of advertise they are document code for food.
%
If you not have disaster recovery strategy for your disaster recovery procedure you are do it wrong.
%
In startup we are try of hire devops with no idea but is very hard, they all are apply to Y Combinator!
%
Is all fun and game until you can not able ping it.
%
In startup we have NoOps and NoIdea.
%
Source of Amazon is tell me best monitoring strategy is watch Netflix. If is up, they can able blame customer. If is down, they are fuck.
%
Almost finish new command line utility 'gtfo' for roll out cloud instance quick.
%
In devops we are always give 100%. Most common way is of bring 5 task to 20% each.
%
If you hear devops is mutter "Shit got real" is probably Unicode error.
%
You are not true devops unless you are practice 'cron and forget'.
%
I like NoOps very much. Is not possible of assign blame when server is go down!
%
In startup we have all new devops deploy in Visio on day one!
%
Big Data Analytic is show 95% of devops are engineer and 65% have college degree!
%
Law of entropy for documentation: after 60 day, each piece of documentation is either invalid or can not able be found.
%
If you are not wake up of Nagios minimum 2 time per week, your technology is not sufficient cutting-edge.
%
In devops we are always have quiet celebration when server is come back up after reboot.
%
Almost finish with book "'Why you need of port shell script more of 100 line to Perl right now! for Dummies".
%
Big Data is hard because you are never sure which Hadoop you are need of use.
%
Dirty secret of NoOps is they are keep 3 fuckin sysadmin on call at all time!
%
Top 5 quality of devops: 1) vast 2) experience 3) with 4) all 5) nighter
%
Is very easy for devops for be most popular in company. Always say 'let me drop of everything I do and help you!'.
%
Number of cloud instance launch by ops team is direct proportional with LOC write by dev team.
%
Each of meeting of 15 minute is push delivery date by 15 day.
%
In agile startup we are current experiment with one night standup.
%
In devops we have success is 10% inspiration and 90% Not Invented Here.
%
In startup we are allow all employee for use 20% time on personal project but only in weekend.
%
Goal of sysadmin is replace itself with small shell script. Goal of devops is replace itself with small REST API.
%
In devops we are celebrate April Fool Day today is also know as Windows Sysadmin Day.
%
In NoOps team in startup we are hire NoOp engineer! Computer science study is minus.
%
Please of only apply for NoOps position in startup if you have in-deep skill of NoHardware and NoOS.
%
In devops we are never assign blame, we are just try of find out how the fuck it happen.
%
Quality is enemy of better quality. Is why we are never get shit done.
%
After 3 beer I can able use any of cloud API.
%
Definition of 'ignore': message of critical notification which is skip inbox and go direct to gmail filter.
%
Honeymoon with any of new technology is 1 week. After 7 month is itch.
%
Is all fun and game until you are need of put it in production.
%
You can only able call yourself senior programmer if you are spend more minute in meeting as in write code.
%
Survey is show junior devops are still believe in Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and documentation.
%
In devops we are all fan which is wait for shit to hit.
%
5% of devops are have infrastructure as code. Rest of 95% are have infrastructure as PowerPoint.
%
Survey is show 90% of devops are spend first year of all new job by rewrite 90% of code of predecessor.
%
In devops intuition is very small voice in head which is say not of run rm -rf /
%
If you can not able express it in 20 line of code, is better of not express it.
%
In startup we are practice threesome programming.
%
In devops is intensity of opinion at technology as inverse proportion with experience at same technology.
%
I am almost finish with book "Rewrite from scratch instead of refactor for Dummies".
%
Source of Google is tell me they are soon launch new API is return 10 strongest password store on Google Drive.
%
In startup we are practice Continuous Delivery follow immediate by Continuous Revert To Old Code.
%
In startup we are only check in line of code that is get at least 10 RT.
%
In startup we are have strict policy of 3 thousand fail unit test and you are out.
%
In startup is make or break time when CEO is want of install Big Data on laptop.
%
I never see Big Data solution which is not involve sed.
%
In startup we are not allow dev team for talk to ops team except by API.
%
Good thing is on Internet nobody know you are devops ninja.
%
In devops is 9 of 10 problem relate to storage.
%
90% of Big Data of any engineer is in actual small.
%
In startup we have good velocity base on 2 week Waterfall sprint.
%
In startup we are very busy of explain why we are need Hadoop so we not have time for use Hadoop.
%
In startup we have tenure for all devops is exact 1 year. They have choice of automate themself out of job or get fire.
%
You know open source product is impossible of use when creator is start consultancy around it.
%
In devops we can only able get shit done if we are move 95% of task to NOTTODO list.
%
If boss is understand task you are working on, you are do DevOps wrong.
%
DevOps remember! For pickup hot date at bar is sufficient of speak JSON.
%
In startup we are only accept git push request.
%
Famous last word in devops: RTFM.
%
Main difference of dev and ops is ops are debug exclusive by use print to stdout.
%
Big Data Analytic is show 80% of devops are on probation for technical debt.
%
48% of devops are automate their test. 12% are test their automation. 3% are do both.
%
First step for avoid DoS attack is block 127.0.0.1.
%
You can able tell junior devops by they are still not learn of manual change on server is overwrite in next 15 minute by Puppet.
%
We have lawsuit of 2 big ISP in Kazakhstan and judge is learn how easy is of deploy private cloud on laptop with Vagrant!
%
Every thing is 10x in cloud. Especially I/O latency.
%
80% of initiative which are include 1 step forward are also include 2 step back.
%
30% of every thing in devops is fucking lie.
%
In devops are 80% talk the talk, 15% talk the walk and 5% walk the walk.
%
If use Linux VM in Microsoft Azure cloud please of read small print first! You are oblige of patch and reboot every of Tuesday!
%
Any sufficient large quantity of data is indistinguish from Big Data.
%
80% of devops are blow own horn. Only 10% of they are also monitor it.
%
Junior devops is when you are not yet know of all road is lead to Nagios.
%
Fundamental law of devops: after enough of time all storage system is become too small or too slow.
%
In devops you are either with us or you are use Windows.
%
Is shock when you are discover most of senior devops are bots.
%
Pure luck is play 40% role in any of continuous delivery process.
%
If you are devops struggle with Chef is help of think it as Puppet++.
%
1 million monkey hit random key for 1 million year can able generate Hamlet but not internal Wiki documentation.
%
June is Month of Awareness for Backup. For celebrate I am recommend restore.
%
In devops are 10% get shit done. Rest are get bullshit done.
%
Main difference of junior and senior devops is 4 programming language.
%
For every minute you are spend install package from source your life is get short by 2 minute.
%
Big Data Analytic is show most request feature in cloud is Ctrl-Z.
%
Big Data Analytic is show 90% of devops which are use word 'benchmark' in sentence are also use word 'laptop' in same sentence.
%
In cloud nothing is real.
%
Oracle Cloud is combine best of both world: cheap of Oracle Enterprise DB and simple of J2EE.
%
In next of 2 year most common cloud rollout strategy is 'PaaS and Pray'.
%
In startup we are use new technique call 5 Why Not Me for show how nobody is of blame for outage.
%
Big Data Analytic is show devops are spend 12.5% of life in type 'ls- la'.
%
In devops word for crap is 'alpha'.
%
You are not senior devops if you have never write direct to socket in your life.
%
You can not able be PaaS expert if you ever run ./configure; make; make install.
%
If you can not able do it from command line, is not worth do it.
%
If is worth make infrastructure scalable, is worth make it infinite scalable.
%
Road to devops hell is pave with good intention of vendor.
%
For devops TODO list I recommend use hash table.
%
In startup we are apply Etsy model of new hire engineer is allow of bring site down on first day.
%
You can able tell junior devops by they have never type telnet:// in browser for access of remote host.
%
Are 3 thing impossible in devops 1) Not Nagios alert for 1 day 2) Easy fast autoscale database 3) Develop all feature request by product
%
In startup we are practice NoOps, NoSQL and NoScrum.
%
In startup we are only hire devops with Alma Mater of Udacity or Coursera.
%
Main advantage of Google Compute Engine over EC2 is instance can able fail twice as fast.
%
Every of devops team is have at least 3 shell script which is critical and is not in source control or backup.
%
Almost finish article for GigaOM on 'Analyze yours Big Data with Hadoop in 760 easy step'.
%
Beautiful code is never work in production.
%
If is too good for be true is mean is only ever deploy in staging not production.
%
In startup we are only hire cofounder and above.
%
Source of GitHub is tell me they have next step of acquire Facebook.
%
For understand devops terminology you need of replace 'continuous' with 'half ass automated'.
%
Hello World in cloud is involve 1 load balancer, 3 web server and 2 database server.
%
In startup we are always maintain N+1 redundancy for shell scripts.
%
In startup we are only use cloud which is hybrid, agile and open.
%
In devops 80% of battle is know which is cause and which is effect.
%
If programmer is tell you task is next on todo list, is mean next year.
%
Source of Google is tell me next version of Android is optimize for Hadoop.
%
Cloud virgin is when you are think NFS in cloud is next best of thing after EBS.
%
In startup we are only use technology which is have For Dummies book.
%
In startup most of time spend by devops team is teach team of Data Scientist use find and grep.
%
Source of CERN is tell me next monumental task for them is find trace of Linux on desktop.
%
Bad code is become liability after 6 month. Good code after 36 month.
%
If you are think Perl is impossible for answer, you are ask wrong question.
%
In startup we are only hire entrepreneur type which mean everything is rewrite from scratch every 2 year.
%
In devops term for 'something we are not understand' is 'machinery'.
%
At conference you can able tell cloud devops by they are always leave dinner for respond to pager.
%
Source of Yahoo is tell me first product launch of Marissa Mayer is Yahoo Plus.
%
Devops STD is get by call wrong API.
%
Senior devops are have own Wikipedia page. Junior devops are have own Wiki page.
%
Difference of dev and ops in 2012 is web site can able write itself but can not able scale itself.
%
OpenStack is Esperanto of cloud. Same adoption.
%
When devops are say 'hybrid cloud' is mean 50% automate public cloud and 50% manual data center rack.
%
Devops are sysadmin but with not knowledge of layer 3 and below.
%
I have almost finish manage IT for Olympic 2012. Two thing of remember: 1) 100% uptime. 2) 0% Cloud.
%
In devops are simple substitution for make meaning more clear. Example s/cluster/clusterfuck/. Example s/80% done/will never be finish/.
%
When programmer are talk of safe sex they are actual think of code with unit test. And other way around.
%
In 75% of case if you are clean Big Data you are get Small Data.
%
Explanation for junior devops: code is hot air balloon and unit test is ballast. Is fun of throw away all ballast!
%
Big Data Analytic is show 80% of code on GitHub is crap and other 20% is not compile.
%
Big devops mistake #1: boast of use Cloud and Big Data. Big devops mistake #2: not use Cloud and Big Data.
%
In devops is not correct 'shit hit fan' but 'shit hit load balancer'.
%
Good way of ensure worst bug is escape in production is have 100% test coverage.
%
You can able tell junior devops by they are believe thing are exist which are both important and not in backup.
%
Law of social media: API is free only if people are click on ads on home page of API creator.
%
All language are evolve until they are become 4GL.
%
If 5 Why technique is not always point to computer fault you are do it wrong.
%
All devops are evolve until they are become tool.
%
Nagios alert or is never happen.
%
Is not of Big Data you are ingest, is of Analytic you are excrete.
%
80% of self profess devops are sysadmin which have wet dream they are developer.
%
Source of Oracle is tell me they are buy Mark Shuttleworth next.
%
In startup we are only deploy dashboard if is know to produce orgasm for Tufte.
%
Data Analytic is base on 20% fact and 80% IMHO.
%
In devops we are have 28 different word for 'blame'.
%
Lean Analytic is when you are exclusive use of find, grep and wc.
%
What is happen in cloud is stay in cloud because nobody can able reproduce outside of cloud.
%
Is so easy of get start with devops! First step is tail -f /var/log/messages.
%
In devops is turtle all way down but at bottom is perl script.
%
You can not able full understand DNS unless you are name Paul Mockapetris, Paul Vixie or Cricket Liu.
%
I final have ebook out "System Engineering for Dummy"! Is 231 page on dd command.
%
In startup we are apply strategy of one size fail all.
%
In devops nobody is get fire for buy open source.
%
Worst mistake is always happen in batch.
%
In startup we are practice Pager Driven Operations.
%
I can able watch preview of talking on "How we use technology internally at Google". Is 354 blank slide.
%
In devops we are ignore any of email which is not come from Nagios.
%
Source of Google is tell me for employee is Google+ or Xoogler.
%
Non devops are need of learn email is not best way of contact devops. Best way is not contact.
%
When you are run DROP DATABASE you are have of many problem but Big Data is not of one of them.
%
Is not over until core router is say is over.
%
In startup we are do load test by choose vendor with best of publish performance number.
%
Devops is good news! You are not need unit test if you are do continuous deployment to cloud!
%
In startup we have immediate open for 2 devops which are need for port Perl codebase to Akka!
%
Behind every of successfully devops is Perl skeleton in closet.
%
Enterprise Big Data is start with Hadoop over iSCSI and is end with broke dream.
%
Hater is go for hate, but Yahoo Mail is still #1 in Czechoslovakia.
%
I am almost finish with article for IT World has interview with all 7 customer of Azure cloud.
%
Is not site outage if nobody is tweet of it.
%
Is always disk space issue unless you are follow best practice of have database in RAM.
%
Regret in devops is when you are monitor cloud instance which was terminate of last week.
%
Rule #1 of agile startup is never of use QA team when you can able pay customer for find worst bug.
%
In devops only certification is when you have work 48 hour with not sleep.
%
In devops is no try, is only catch or not catch of exception.
%
Worst of day in devops is when Cyber Monday is fall on Friday.
%
For name scheme of server I am recommend snowflake follow by number.
%
You can only able have 2 of 3: enterprise, cloud, strategy.
%
In startup we are pass stage of infrastructure as code and we are now work on infrastructure as bug.
%
I am almost finish with "Knuth Vol. 3 Sorting and Searching for Dummies".
%
Little know fact is 90% of Big Data is result in No Data.
%
Main difference of data center and cloud: in data center you are need 2 of everything, in cloud you are need 20 of everything.
%
Main difference is continuous deployment is break web site 40% of time and continuous delivery is break web site 80% of time.
%
In startup we are have Minesweeper contest while we are wait for vary ruby gem for install.
%
Only consolation for devops who are need of manual shard of database is they are in 1%.
%
Choose name of server is all fun and game until you are terminate wrong instance of MySQL master server.
%
In devops nostalgia is when you are label SSD with letter A:
%
You are not true Java programmer if you are not write enterprise software for personal project.
%
Source of HP is tell me they are abandon hardware business and focus on cloud because is not need of hardware if you are use cloud.
%
In devops is success 5% inspiration, 15% git clone, 25% copy and paste and 55% bulls shit.
%
Is nothing better as toy example not connect to real world for get talk accept at conference.
%
Childrens of J2EE devops are have unfair advantage for assemble Lego because they can able use Spring Integration.
%
Show me result you are want and I am tailor benchmark which is show your result.
%
Paradox of cloud: more reliable is site seem to user, less sleep is get for devops in charge of site.
%
In devops we are happy even if is shit bad because we are know how much of worse is can able be.
%
All work and no play is make Jack CCNA.
%
90% of problem in devops can able solve with one of 3 thing: 1) SSD 2) CDN 3) AWS
%
Only 10% in devops are know how of work with Big Data. Only 1% are realize they are need 2 Big Data for fault tolerance.
%
In devops method of 5 Why is simple. You are start with problem and work in backwards until you are find root cause of router is down.
%
If you can not able use Perl for answer, you are ask wrong question.
%
Law of Murphy for devops: if thing can able go wrong, is mean is already wrong but you not have Nagios alert of it yet.
%
Is not devops if dev is not on pager.
%
Advantage of Agile is can able of allow you get nowhere much faster.
%
In startup we are allow all developer use 20% of time for write code with not TDD so they can able of actual get shit done.
%
I am big believe in Continuous Deployment as long as is not touch production.
%
Troubleshoot of VPN tunnel is colonoscopy of devops.
%
In devops is end of world only when EC2 is run out of capacity.
%
90% of insight in Big Data is base on Small Data.
%
First stumbling block in career of new programmer is compose of commit message.
%
When you are deploy new infrastructure first ICMP reply is hardest.
%
Every advance civilization is progress until is run out of IPv4 address.
%
5 Hot of Technology for Internet in 2013: BGP, DNS, SMTP, SNMP, HTTP.
%
For start of new year I am recommend you discard all advice and opinion of cloud expert from last 3 year.
%
Effect of observer in devops: once you are optimize metric, is lose relevance as metric.
%
In agile startup we have policy of "is not bug, is feature" unless bug is open by CEO.
%
Junior devops are soon learn lesson of they own their reliability. Senior devops are soon learn lesson of they own their nonreliability.
%
Is take most senior devops for introduce most spectacular bug.
%
In devops we are only as good as last success reboot of Cisco core switch.
%
#1 most use Unix command is "ls-l a".
%
Worst failure in devops are happen in high availability architectures (also know as Paradox of RAID Controller Failure).
%
In 2013 will be configuration management tool of choice as of usual ssh command wrap in for loop in bash script.
%
Mining of Big Data is problem solve in 2013 with zgrep.
%
Resolution for year 2013 is cut money pay for cloud in half by run A with no H.
%
Resolution #2 for year 2013 is put back Java in Javascript.
%
In 2013 is too many cloud, too little time.
%
In devops we are face fiscal cliff every year when Oracle license is up for renew.
%
1+1=2 only in legacy system. In modern distributed database with eventual consistent is 1+1=1.
%
In devops we are sometimes drop one 9 out of five 9s because we are get too bored.
%
For devops manager: if task is take 15 min, then first break into two 30 minute tasks then delegate.
%
If at first you are not succeed, is time for abandon node.js.
%
Difference of senior programmer and junior programmer is one thousand segfault.
%
If unit test are pass 100% of time you are do it wrong.
%
Distributed database is only as good as network engineer which is in charge of push cable all way in switch port.
%
Big Data is any thing which is crash Excel.
%
Best Big Data analytic is base on guesstimate.
%
If you are want of do real work you can not able use cloud because nothing is real in cloud.
%
Yesterday I have bird and bee discussion with junior devops for make realize cloud instance is born of real hardware.
%
Software project 1) On time 2) On budget 3) With quality. You can not able pick any.
%
First requisite of get shit done is be able for deal with lot of shit.
%
Hard part in devops is make money from wheel after you are reinvent it.
%
Devops remember is never cause for panic unless thing is work perfect from start!
%
If is ain't distributed, not fix it.
%
In lean startup we are only use 3rd party software which is enterprise-ready.
%
90% of 5 Why exercise is result in open can of worm.
%
90% of devops are fail simple interview question of what is most critical piece of infrastructure. Is outgoing mail on Nagios server!
%
In devops we are put fail in failover.
%
If you are senior devops, best gift you can able give junior devops is teach how fail fast.
%
Best way for explain concept of DevOps to CIO: is like TaskRabbit, but power by The Avengers.
%
Every web site is evolve until is fail in monetize social graph of its user.
%
Fact: 'shit is happen'. Opinion: 'We are offer SLA of five 9 uptime'.
%
Senior devops is walk into bar. Junior devops is walk into server room of bar.
%
Best decision we ever make in startup was outsource all site outage to Cloud provider.
%
In startup we are pull plug on site periodic so user not get too pamper.
%
In startup we are always start with plan C.
%
In startup we are have new problem of deal with Big Metadata.
%
Devops good news! Devops is 100% peoples and culture so you not have of understand functional programming!
%
Is always 2 problem in devops because they are out of sync.
%
Graphite graph and Nagios check or has never happen.
%
Every 2 day outage is start with wide eye dream of change world.
%
Law of sales call: every of vendor is in top 1% of all vendor.
%
If shit is never hit fan you are not get enough shit done.
%
Every of MVC web application can able be reduce to 150 line Perl script.
%
Two wrong are not make one right except in distributed database.
%
Big advantage of run own private cloud is when is go down is only take your site down.
%
Good thing of public cloud is you can able return it in 30 day.
%
Is always user error. Especial in case of user which is operate core router.
%
In devops is only necessary for remember two thing: 1) nothing is succeed like failure; 2) nothing is fail like success.
%
In startup we are leave critical bug in each of release so we can able fix in next release.
%
Small Data is when is fit in RAM. Big Data is when is crash because is not fit in RAM.
%
Junior programmer is everybody can able understand your code is wrong. Senior programmer is nobody can able understand your code is wrong.
%
Rockstar programmer are just as you and me but they can also able write insecure Ruby code.
%
Source of Facebook is tell me only way of get rid of irritate error page is reboot internet.
%
If is easy of use, then is hard of debug.
%
In startup we are celebrate teamwork by create many team of one.
%
I manage of delegate 90% of time. 80% of delegate is to my self.
%
Pair programming is good concept but is involve too many programmer.
%
Conflict resolution is most important skill of manager. In startup we are force all manager for use git.
%
I have often see grow devops cry because of spanning tree loop.
%
In devops optimist is person which is see glass as 99.999% full.
%
In startup we are work hard but then we are work harder.
%
Devops is intersection of lover of cloud and hater of wake up at 3 in morning.
%
In startup we are final master art of agile waterfall.
%
If you are windows devops I can able endorse you on LinkedIn immediate on reboot 50 web server every of hour!
%
Devops is mean never have for say sorry when you are use XML.
%
In startup if you are call us you are speak with 3 human before robot is solve your problem.
%
Is no I in backup.
%
In startup developer can able commit line of code only if other developer is remove line of code.
%
In startup we are have immediate open for frontend Erlang engineer.
%
Want of become enemy of ops? Install developer friendly product.
%
Every of social feature you are add to application is require double of number of database server.
%
In startup we can only able use maven if autocorrect is enable.
%
For every of stakeholder involve in your project is completion of project delay by 6 month.
%
Source of Mozilla is tell me Firefox OS is write in HTML5 one-liner.
%
Source of Microsoft and Hortonworks are tell me Hadoop for Windows is release as Excel plugin.
%
In devops we have best minds of generation are deal with flaky VPN client.
%
Correct ratio is 1 devops for 100 server because is not possible of ssh and give personalize attention on more server in 1 day.
%
So many of enterprise Hadoop vendor, so little of time.
%
50% of devops are confuse causation with correlation. Other 50% are just take wild ass guess.
%
For increase revenue we are introduce paywall between dev team and ops team.
%
Word "impossible" is not exist in devops vocabulary. Instead we are use "done by Q4".
%
You can not able have unlimit scalability without unlimit outage.
%
Dirty secret of Big Data is you can not able deploy if you not have SQL expert on staff.
%
In startup we are practice Outage Driven Infrastructure.
%
Every PaaS can able be reduce to 120 Perl script.
%
Fact of useless: 90% of data is not exist 2 year ago. Fact of use: 90% of data is useless.
%
Cloud is not ready for enterprise if is not integrate with single server running Active Directory.
%
In startup we are only use technology if is cover in blog of expert devops on benchmark is run on own laptop.
%
You can not able spell business without BS.
%
In startup we have great of capability for churn out solution. Please send problem, we are pay good money.
%
Attention devops! Make of sure you have strong plan C. Plan A and B are never work.
%
In startup we are gamify site outage. Three outage and ops team is out.
Sign up for free to join this conversation on GitHub. Already have an account? Sign in to comment