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it's such a pleasant and quiet evening. very hot after hot day but now I can feel chilling breeze cutting through the dense air.
the storm seems just moments away but it might as well not come at all.
... and here comes the rain.
back inside.
the cat sleeping on an empty bed.
tea. cigarette. silence.
I feel almost at peace
kind of happy
I will lay down in bed in a moment trying to fall asleep. but I won't. I'll be thinking about all the work I haven't done today.
and how lost i feel there even though i know every corner of the fabric on this side
i don't even enjoy the data flow the same as i used to do
it's all so mellow and almost tasteless
I don't know where you are and what bed you are sleeping in tonight. I'm slowly learning not to care anymore.
I can still remember the other night.
the sad song you sang,
your words telling me that you love me,
and the sex.
the wind made the pictures fall off the walls making me feel even more alone in the darkness
i remember touching the construct, the beauty of it's illusory body and the colours falling through my fingers on first touch.
all we are is just this, a speck of dust in the sandstorm of information ...
... attached to our physical bodies
i smile thinking about this craving i feel so intensely now i could almost cut through it with a knife
the closeness of another human body
is it still me?
always defiant, always on the other side, embracing the virtual representations of our physical worlds and now hungry for ... touch?
i will have to start looking for someone like you.
to replace you.
even though I don't want to.
JC twisted his arm and looked closer at the perforation. then he look up again, smiled and chewing his apple said grinning
it's illegal isn't it?
yes... how did you know?
I'm a pro my man. what's with the upgrades? how do you handle it?
well I have a plan in place...
how long till you'll be able to get off the drugs?
fifteen months
I looked at him
shit, that's a long time.
JC slapped my shoulder and showing me all his teeth said
yes my organic friend it is a very very long time.
the kid looked at me curiously
you are organic? wow I was always wondering how do you people do this? I mean how do you connect without a direct link?
I looked away
it's easy i light up some candles, smoke dope, play bongos and do some chanting until I get online...
JC chuckled
funny man isn't he? this organic friend of mine. but for real this is exactly how he does it.
seriously? is that what you do?
no not really... only when I feel particularly suicidal. so where are you planning to get the drugs from?
well this is why I came to you... I was given your hash from james ... the guy from the city airport projects...
JC was still examining the implant and looked up, bit off a huge chunk of his apple and munching it loudly smiled
that's good my man. you did well ... but you do know this expensive gear of yours is a very thirsty one, don't you?
yeah but I'm kind of prepared ... I mean for the costs and I hope to get back some of the investment as soon as I get to the surface
well don't count on it though. you don't want to end up as most expensive piece of used-up hardware on the other side of the river do you? trust me. I've seen people going that route and it is a risky business.
I know but I'm cool for half a year which I am happy to pay up front if you can get me what I need and secure it for me in a deposit downtown.
yes my man I can get you what you need and I will get the six months for you by the end of the week. we will talk money tomorrow. I'll call you before I set up the arrangement for your treatment.
I looked at the matt finish of the implant. I wonder where he got this kind of money?
I've been starring into the space for a split of a second ... maybe ...
i really cannot tell
holding on to the emptiness in front of me
I even felt a touch of hope i thought she's going to be okay ... and then I realised she was gone.
forever.
i let her slip.
i couldn't hold on to her and she just ... let go
and i knew i have nothing left of her
not s single bit of live data will ever reach me again
nor i will ever be able to trace her.
this was the end
the archive and my memory is all that I have left and I knew all too well i will have to remove most of it for my own sake soon
I felt ...
I really can't describe it ....
no, i cannot. I really only remember my hand pointing into the darkness
trying to touch her but she wasn't there anymore
then I felt the gravity pulling me back towards the surface
my heart sank like a stone and that's probably when I was pulled towards the automated recovery unit.
i assume it must have arrived after being alerted by the surge in power usage caused by the contact with the defensive layer
no i certainly did not call for it nor asked for assistance
the next thing I was crouching with my hands on the floor and vomiting violently ...
the medical staff was already there although i don't remember seeing them
I don't remember the exact time but it should be within my log files.
yes I aproved access to all my files and my primary interface.
no I don't know who was on the rescue team or what model of the construct was used.
I remember blond female avatar but that must have been because I was still hooked to my gear and since it is via patch i was still fully on-line.
no I can't
yes i do. i still feel a bit shaken when i switch on the full sensory interface but i am fine to conduct the work without any further accidents.
the choices and absolute inescapability of one option taking over the other is as cold as any metallic part could ever be
sure some would call it psychosis but then again what else is there?
a lie, elusive middle, the in-between
in reality constant swaying from one side to the other.
psychotic is all there is
psychotic is all we are
some embrace it while others hide in the shadows
and I chose not to hide
I chose in
I chose on
I chose fire
I chose action and direct execution
no surprises
unless the script she planted inside me that warm night on the roof has some functions she did not mention
I need to see the man
hello
I'm sorry for breaching the usual protocol but I don't want to be making a public query.
I can commit some of the resources I have left for this cycle and could arrange further commits if needed. however I would like to do so via constructs with no direct association.
I've been recently hospitalised after crashing into the protective layer of the databank. there were some questions as to the software used and legality of my equipment. I kept my licence so you don't need to worry but I would need some info without alerting the moderators.
engaged on
sure
engaged off
the point is that I don't know much about implants on such level and have no experience with the hardware used in similar situations. however during the investigation few things started to bother me.
engaged on
go on
thanks, at first I clearly remember taking instructions from an avatar which I thought was the medical one. I mentioned this during the investigation. however I was presented with real time avatars of the members of the medical team and the panel seemed to understand that I must have seen the nurse that was the first to approach me after the crash. but it was most definitely not the one I remember. I remember parts of the room I was in and throwing up on the floor. I didn't have the opportunity to clarify this and the investigation was over before i could even object to anything and since i got the pass i decided not to press the matter further. I ...
where was it? where were you picked up by medics?
eh, eastern ...
there are no medical constructs in use on the eastern sea board. if that was a construct then something else was giving you the instructions. have you got them? can you read them?
no I don't ... some parts of my logs are completely blank ... even though I retained the vivid memory of certain sensory experiences...
so what did you crash into?
well I'm not sure. I'm not an expert but I could give you the address.
transmission initialised
request accepted
transmission in progress
transmission complete
what model of the interface were you using at the time? is it still operational?
yes, it is. it is fully functional it isn't...
neural. I get it. okay that changes a lot and you might have been contacted by the construct from behind the firewall as well as by those outside. so why was your license revoked?
I lost a live construct there.
pardon?
I lost it. I couldn't hold on to it and she let go.
eh, ... okay... that I suppose would explain the need for review but how did they handle it? there isn't a procedure that I know of for such situations.
well I thought something was amiss and the review didn't seem to give explanations as to some aspects of my logged experiences. that's why i started to look for answers myself.
okay. I'll check out the address and in the meantime you stay away from there. I would even suggest staying away from the net that you normally would access via your patch. I'll contact you within 24 hours from now. keep your commits. we'll talk later.
engaged off
have you got any log files?
no. we don't tend to keep archives. it's not like you can keep an archive.
yeah i see the point like a conversation, right?
or sex.
well yeah didn't think of that. so I'd better go. I'll see you around. maybe we should have sex sometime.
sure.
I looked around the foyer while JC was exchanging the details still munching his apple
he mumbled something to the guy and then turned towards the door.
I raised my hand to the kid and followed JC towards the doorway.
out on the street.
in to the car.
while inside he started to look through his log marking up bits of conversation and sending it to his contact in...
where are you going to get his stuff from?
I already did.
okay
Morocco. I have a contact there. cutting edge stuff.
I wouldn't expect less ... don't you fell like you want to save him?
I am saving him.
true.
I'm his best chance at getting out of this alive.
yeah I know
but you see ... I've seen many young hackers like him ... and sometimes ... I wonder if I shouldn't just sell him of to a body clinic straight away. I wouldn't get as much money ... but it would save him a lot of pain
you think so?
I know so. look this kid, in three months he'll realise he can't afford another six months of treatment. he will stop answering my calls. he will start by trying to control the dosage. this will lead to all sorts of complications. first, insomnia and paranoia. then hallucinations, headaches and nosebleeds. with his hardware I give him two weeks after he runs dry. these two weeks will be a hell on earth for him with hallucinations and constant pain. if by that time his not flagged up by someone he will be dead within few days collapsing wherever his last hallucination lead him.
you have a difficult job.
it's not my job. I just paid for seven months of hell for this poor bastard and I hope to get back my money for at least six of these months. if he gets lucky then we all win. if he doesn't then he has one month on me.
you are a good man
of course I am. init?
<iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/92775216?color=ffffff&title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" width="500" height="281" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe>so I met this girl.
she asks
"would you like some coffee?"
I say
"yes please."
so she makes me herbal tea with honey.
then she says
"my week was shit.
life sucks.
that's probably because of my period."
I laugh and say
"you inspire me."
<script async src="//assets.codepen.io/assets/embed/ei.js"></script>i touched the computer laying on the bedside table
I could almost feel it's gentle throbbing
I imagined it's the script working tirelessly corrupting all files
I knew she was very much alive
and I knew all the possible paths she could take
first the log files
network settings
neural enviros
system set-up files
and then she will hit the core
making herself immune to all I could possibly find to prevent the corruption
I was wondering if it's all over
if I could salvage and rescue anything from that I had left
I knew the answer all too well
I'm a fool
falling
burned
out of the siberian sky
the implant had dark-grey finish and it was difficult to see the point where polymer gently morphed into his dark tattooed skin
he seemed proud of the job they did at the clinic and I wasn't surprised he was. it seemed like a good job indeed.
I touched the patch on my arm and wondered how does a direct link feel like
there are moments when I imagine I can almost feel it
I know it's not real and having no artificial parts inside my body I couldn't even read the logs he's neural enviro files in real time
but I knew all too well the coldness of some nonorganic matter that is very real when engaging full sensory interface
the organics call it "the choice" or "spirits" or "purgatory" and a doorway to embrace singularity...
it is a controversial topic but ...
fuck, I've seen what happened to wingnuts! you don't get your brain blown out through your eye sockets just by thinking about controversial ideas ...
Athenians needed poison to have Socrates kick the bucket and wingnuts died on my very own eyes just by hitting ... nothing
or its virtual representation
that's what I've been told and was expected to believe in
bullshit
I've seen what happened there
even though I fell and got disconnected I remember very well the wave...
and the pull...
and the hold...
and then the burning!
fuck!
the burning!
I wanted to crack my skull open just so I can scrap my own brain out from the inside.
god knows what i would do if the photographer wasn't there to stop me from hitting against the wall
talk about religious experiences
I wonder what Moses would say having his own brain fried and being spoken at by a virtual representation of a tsunami instead of seeing a dry bush catching fire in the middle of the dessert?